By Amanda Pasciucco, LMFT, CST

I am here to talk about getting over the pain and struggles you encounter after breaking up.

Breaking up absolutely sucks. We all know it! So… how long do we lay in bed, eat ice cream, and cry? Well, that is different for everyone. But, I promise, you can get over it!

Step 1 – Re-write the story. We all need to come up with the reason of why this happened. Whether we are doing the break up or we were broken up with, we need to know WHY! Until we find out the “why,” we will keep going over and over the details in our mind. So, take some time and find out why it happened. Then, leave it alone. Even if it was your bad attitude, your partner left you, so now give them space and change your attitude for the next partner you will have.

Step 2 – Do not be obsessive. Get out of the crazy mentality of “stalking” your ex. Please, please delete them from all social media. You really don’t need to see what they are doing or have them know what you are doing. The quicker you begin to unravel the life you had made together, the better it will be.

Step 3 – Accept the facts. Being aware of what happened and not getting attached to your negative thoughts and feelings will ultimately bring peace. A breakup is a traumatic event and it is difficult to self-reflect at times. Things like meditation, yoga, therapy, and prayer can help you become more self-reflective AND can help give you some grounding during a chaotic time.

Step 4 – They were not the perfect partner. No matter who they were, they were not perfect. No one is; therefore, you can find someone else. Even if it feels like they made life better, there are other people out there to meet that will have the same effect. I promise, there is more than one person out there for everyone.

Step 5 – Look to your future. You are a whole individual and you are not defined by your romantic relationships. You need to find you self-identity without a partner. What do you like to do? Bowl, hike, martial arts, painting, drama club, archery? Action is faster than any thought… so instead of thinking all day, join a group and DO something.